Birthing with Confidence 

Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

Well, I'm really excited. Today is the first day of our confident moms works, birth plan workshop. And I've been talking about it a little bit lately, and I'm super, super excited to talk about birth plans with you guys today because birth plans are one of those things that seem to be really controversial. So today we are going to talk about these stigmatizing birth plans. We're going to start out with de-stigmatizing the birth plan, and then we're going to learn how to get into making decisions using your brain tomorrow. The next day, we're going to learn about the different options that we have when we're making a birth plan. And on the last day, we are going to learn about how to structure your birth plan and organize your birth plan. So it's day we're going to go over a few different topics.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

We're going to talk about envisioning your perfect birth experience. We're going to talk about why providers have a tendency to not like birth plans or why people feel that birth plans make them a problem child, or some of the weird perceptions around birth plans. And we're going to kind of unpack those and unravel those and restructure how you think about birth plan. We're also going to I'm going to give you homework tonight. And so if you haven't already, I want you to go ahead and print out the birth plan or download the birth plan workbook that I have posted in the event page. I don't have the link to post it right now, but afterward I will actually, maybe I can post it. I, I don't know how to get to it right now while I'm on the live screen, but I will post the link afterward for the birth plan workbook, if you haven't already printed it out so that you can do your homework tonight, because I'm going to give you homework and it's fun, homework, don't worry.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

So let's talk about first envisioning your birth experience, your perfect birth experience. I want you to think about who is at your birth. I want to think about where you're birthing. Now. It might be practical for you to birth in a hospital, and that might be the decision that you're making. But right now I'm not thinking about where you have to be or where you need to be or where you're going to be. I think I want you to think about what you want. If you were to envision the perfect most amazing, magical birth experience, where would you be and who would be there with you next? I want you to think about how you would birth your baby.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

Think about how your baby would come to this world. Is there any things that you would want in your environment? Is there a special sense scenery music, lighting, anything that just makes you feel comfortable? Do you envision yourself birthing in a specific position? If you are a first time, mom, I want you to think about, you know, some of the things that you've thought about birth and what you want your birth to be of your inexperienced mom. I want you to think about your previous birth experiences and then think about how you want this one to be different. I'm not saying that your first birth experience was bad, but I think if you were here, if you're here and you're listening to this video, you might be hoping for a different birth experience or just something better and different. So I want you to think about what you would like to be different this time.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

Is there anything that you want to feel during your birth? And I don't mean physically because a lot of people think of feeling birth and they think of the physical feelings and they're scared of those. And we'll unpack that in a different time. But right now I want you to think about the emotions that you feel during birth. Most people think of their birth and they want to feel happy. They want to feel joy. They want to feel excitement. They want to feel love. What are you wanting to feel during your birth? I know for me I wanted to feel proud, which sounds a little weird, but I wanted to feel proud of my body. I wanted to feel strong. I, I didn't know the first time, but I learned that for the second and third time that I wanted to feel respected.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

I wanted to feel empowered. I wanted to feel confident. I didn't want to feel afraid, wanting to feel brave. So think about what you want to feel during your birth. And so now if you guys have kind of done some of that background work and envisioned your perfect birth, I want to start talking about why birth plans are controversial. So you might've heard some different phrases around birth plans. Some people will say things like the longer, the birth plan, the longer this, this area and scar that is horrifying, but it is something that is said within the medical community. And I know that there are mothers who have said that or told other mothers, that nurses said that to them. There's a lot of misconceptions about birth plans. Sometimes people have the idea that a birth plan is like a wedding plan.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

When you plan your wedding die, you set out a very strict schedule. Who's going to be where, when, at what time exactly what's going to happen. And if you falter from that schedule, all hell is going to break loose. A birth plan is not like a wedding plan, but that's what people want to think of. Birth plan is a birth plan. I want you to think of as being more of a roadmap, you have a destination. And this destination that you are trying to get to is having your baby in your arms is having a healthy mom and a healthy baby. And I don't just mean a physically healthy. I don't mean alive mom and an alive baby. I mean healthy where mom is physically and mentally healthy and the baby is physically and mentally healthy. That's our goal. That's our destination. So we have our destination over here and we say, okay, how do we get there?

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

I've never been down this road before, or I went down this road once and I don't really remember it. Or I went down this road a couple of times and we had hit some really bad traffic. So let's think of a different route. I need a different route this time, we've got this goal and we need to map out our route. We're going to map out our route to this destination. So when we map out a route to a destination, we're going to map out the most direct course, or we're going to map out a course that takes us on things that we want to see. And we can think of that as things we want to experience. So if you know that you want to have a home birth, you're going to map out a plan that stops along the home birth routes. However, you know that you might hit traffic on that route, or you might, there's a certain point where there's this really sharp curve.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

And there's always a lot of accidents there. So you need to have a plan in case there's a backup because of that accident. So you need to have another route planned out just in case. And this is how I want you to look at your birth plan. I want you to look at your birth plan as you're planning your perfect wort, but you're going to make decisions along the way. As you learn how to, as you make your birth plan, you're going to learn a lot. And we're going to talk about that in a minute. But as you learn, you're going to make decisions that this is what I want, and this is the way I want to go. But if I hit a roadblock, we can go to this link and we can work around that. Okay? So we might hit a detour. We might have to go a little bit of a different route, but you're not nervous taking that route because you've already looked at that route.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

You already know what's coming on that route. You're not just saying crap. I have to detour. And I don't know the roads here. You know, the roads you hit the detour, you know, the ropes, that's a birth plan roadmap. Okay? So let's talk about why birth plans are actually really important. A lot of people worry about taking too long of a birth plan into a birth setting. And this is where that whole phrase, you know, the longer the birth plan, the longer the C section comes in. Well, the funny thing about a birth plan is you don't actually have to share it with anybody. So the most powerful part of writing a birth plan is learning. It's a learning about your options. It's learning about what you want. It's learning about how to advocate for yourself. And it's learning about how to navigate those decisions.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

It's learning. When you might change your mind, it's learning how to communicate those, that perfect vision with your team. That's the power of a birth plan. It's not about walking in and giving your doctor a piece of paper and saying, Hey, this is what we're going to do. Stick to my plan. It's those people or people who think that that's what a birth plan is that have bad experiences with their birth plan. I always hear, Oh, the birth plan went out the window. The birth plan doesn't have to go out the window. Maybe your ideal birth didn't happen. But that doesn't mean it has to be a bad experience. And that's what I want to teach you guys. That's what I really want to teach you guys this week is how we're going to make a birth plan. And we're going to change our mindset.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

The first thing we need to do is change our mindset around this birth plan, because we've got to stop thinking of it as a step by step way to have a perfect birth and start thinking of it as cool. It's a tool to learn. It's a tool to communicate, and it's a tool for preparing. So we say planning, but I think what we really mean is preparing it's a tool for preparing our minds for different outcomes and how we're going to approach those different areas comes. So each day in this class, we're going to build on the previous day. Okay? So like today, I'm talking to you about making that mindset shift. And tomorrow we're going to talk about using our brains. It's an acronym to figure out how to make the decisions we want make with our choices. So we're gonna, and how to make decisions in labor.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

We're going to learn how to communicate our birth plans. So like I said, we're gonna learn how to write out a birth plan. And if you've looked at the workbook, you see that it's like a 16 page workbook. Your birth plan is not going to be 16 pages, but I want you to have organized thoughts. So this is going to be more of a journal, not a plan that you bring to your doctor. You're not going to bring this workbook into your doctor or your midwife, hand it to your nurse. You're going to work on it with your birth partner. You're going to go over this workbook with your birth partner and you guys are gonna talk about the different things we talk about each day, and it's going to be a tool for communicating a tool for organizing your thoughts. Okay? So tonight for your homework, if I want you to download the birth plan workbook, if you haven't already, I'm going to link it here.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

And then I want you to discuss with your partner, what you want your birth to look a perfect birth rules for partners, partners. If you're listening, you are not allowed to say no, that's ridiculous. Are you sure that's what you want? This is just envisioning. There's no fear. There's no talk of fear. There's no of I'm worried that won't happen. I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're not talking about that today. Today is just envisioning the perfect birth. And you're going to go into your workbook and you're going to write down where you want it to be, who you want it to be with. Okay. And then what it would look like again, we're not necessarily talking about where it will be. We're talking about where you would like it to be. So maybe you don't have any options for home birth midwives near you.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

So, you know, you're not going to have a home birth or, you know, you're going to have a hospital birth because as much as you would like a home birth this is your first baby and you feel better being in a hospital and then maybe next time would be a home birth. But if home birth is it all in your mind, think about how you would like a home birth. That way. If you are birthing in the hospital, you can emulate that perfect birth as much as you want. That's why we're doing this exercise so that we can think about that perfect birth, and then think about how we can emulate that and how we can keep bits and pieces of that into whatever birth experience you end up with. So I also wants you to think about a few different situations, and I don't want you to think about them too much right now, but I want you to think about what an unmedicated birth would look like for you.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

What a precipitous labor that's a very quick labor would look like for you. I want you to think about how you feel about induction as a Syrian. Those things are not something I want you to put too much thought into if they're not your first perfect birth, but there are things that I want you to think about. And I want you to think about how you can connect those to your perfect ideal birth. If that was the outcome you were going to have. So thank you for joining me today, guys. I am really excited to be going on this journey with you and helping you learn about taking back your birth and having a competent birth. Tomorrow we're going to come on. I think tomorrow is at one o'clock, which will be better because my kids go not be interrupting because there'll be quiet time and somebody should be napping.

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Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC, Doula :

We'll see. They'll probably mess that up because that's what kids do. But we're going to learn tomorrow. We're going to talk about how to use your brain and what that means. Like I said before, it's an acronym for decision making and if you've heard it before, then it'll just be a recap for you. But if you've never heard it before, it's going to be really great for helping you build your decision making skills. So I'm excited to see you guys tomorrow. I hope you guys come with questions and I'll see you then. Bye.


DAY 2

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Jaimie Zaki : (00:02)
Hello? Hello. I'm not sure if it's up. I am so bad at this live today. I can't tell when it's actually live. Okay, now it's life for sure. Hey mama bears. How are you? This is Jamie and I'm so excited to be back here with you guys today. Welcome to day two of the confident mama, competent moms birth plan workshop. That is a mouthful. I'm so excited. You guys are joining me today before we get started. I did want to let you know that this week I'm opening up enrollment in the bear cave membership program. And this is a multilevel program that allows you to get educated and prepared for your birth and breastfeeding experience and helps you prepare to welcome your baby with confidence. If you have any questions for me about the membership, you're welcome to schedule a free 30 minute chat with me at any time. 

Jaimie Zaki: (00:55)
So today we're going to talk about how to make decisions in birth. So one concern that I hear a lot from moms is that they feel very unprepared to discuss options with their provider because they're unsure of which questions to ask. Um, a lot of things that I hear from parents, um, after their baby is born is like, wow, I didn't even know to ask about that, or I didn't even think to ask about that. So, um, I want to give you a few tools today so that you can ask the questions. You know, a lot of times we trust our provider who has been through years of schooling and practical experience to teach us everything we know about birth and everything we need to know. But the reality is that unfortunately providers end up in a routine and rarely personalized care, even the best providers who do personalize care, don't always have the continuity of care because they might work in a large practice where you don't get to see them all the time. Even when we've got a small practice providers, don't always have the time to teach you everything that you need to know. And this is why it is so imperative for mothers to be strong self advocates, like really strong self advocates. 

Jaimie Zaki: (02:16)
And here's a secret. You don't need to know anything about birth in order to ask the right questions. Yes, yes. I know that sounds crazy. You don't need to know a thing about birth in order to ask the right questions. Okay. So I'm going to teach you how I'm going to teach you why I want you to remember to use your brain. So brain is an acronym for a decision making process, B R a I N benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition, and some people will say, do nothing I say now, or never for N. And I'm going to give you an example. I am like talking so fast today. I'm so sorry, but I am going to give you an example of how to use your brain in a situation. So, so we're going to do a little bit of what actor role play here. But imagine that I go into my doctor's office and I come in and I'm 38 weeks pregnant and they say, okay, genie, um, get undressed and put the little blanket. 

Jaimie Zaki: (03:28)
Like it was like paper gown. That's what they call it. The count. It has been so long since I've been to like an OB that actually needs you to do all this. Um, but put the gown on and doctor will be in, in a little bit. And I'm like, well, I have to put the gown on for, Oh, for the cervical exam. Well, I might be thinking, I really don't want a cervical exam or, you know, most people kind of dread the cervical exam and do you have to have the cervical exam? So when your doctor comes in, you can have a conversation and they're like, okay, are you ready for your surgical exam? You can say, honestly, I really don't wanna do a cervical exam. Um, cause you explained to me the benefits of doing a surgical exam at 30 weeks and your doctor might say something along the lines of, Oh, well, you know, it'll let us know where your cervix is, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, if you're dilated, if the baby's low and engaged, um, if you're a faced yada yada yada, yada, let me say. OK. Um, and does that, does that information, tell us something specific. So say if I am dilated, what does that mean? Or if I'm not dilated, what does that mean? 

Jaimie Zaki: (04:51)
Okay. You take their answer. Um, and then you say, so are there any risks to a cervical exam? And they'll probably say something like, Nope, no. I mean, that's saying it's gotta be summary. That's great. Okay. There's no such thing as a risk free intervention. It might be super low risk, but that's for you to decide that's not for your provider to decide for you. So that's why you always need to ask about risks. And if they kind of brush it off as being low risk, no risk, you still need to make them verbalize risk. Um, and then you can go ahead and you can ask about alternatives and you can say, okay, well I really don't want a cervical exam right now. Um, is there another option? Can I decline this? Or can I wait until next week or something along those lines alternative for cervical exams, there might not be a lot of alternatives, obviously that's maybe more when you're getting into medications. 

Jaimie Zaki: (05:49)
Um, and then you use your intuition. I stands for intuition and intuition is so, so important. The provider's intuition is important and your intuition is important and you guys need to discuss that. And sometimes that can be very hard, especially if you don't trust your provider completely. It's much easier when you do have a provider you trust. And this is why I advocate so strongly for finding a provider that you really matched with and trust. Um, because intuition is, is gonna intuition. Shouldn't be ignored. And then we have the N and um, some people will say that, that means what happens if we do nothing I tell people to ask, okay, so do we have to do this intervention now? Well, what happens if we never do it? Or if we put it off for a little while, could we put it off for an hour? 

Jaimie Zaki: (06:47)
Could we never do it? What impact would that have on my health or my baby's health? And I'm actually going to share, I've shared this before, but I'm going to share a non pregnancy example of how this advocacy technique will carry you through motherhood. When in February, my son, he was two and he broke his leg. He had a very, very severe spiral fracture, um, through the fibia and the tibia clean break. Um, my other son pushed him off the couch. It was really horrible. Um, I knew the minute it happened that it was broken. I, it was awful. Um, and so I took him to a hospital where they wanted to give my two year old. I, the fentanyl that did not sound right to me, that did not sound okay to me. I was, I was not okay with that. I'm not okay with the risks of fentanyl in general, but especially for my two year old, who, even though he was in a lot of pain, he didn't have a compound fracture. 

Jaimie Zaki: (07:57)
He, I didn't feel that the risks of fentanyl were worth the benefits, but I know a little bit about these medications. So I kind of like already had that in the back of my head, but you might not know about some of the medications that are being suggested to you or the therapy therapies that are being offered. So I kind of played dumb and I didn't want to like show him my cards that I knew what I was talking about with them. And so I was like, okay, so what are the benefits of giving him this medication and okay. Um, or actually, I'm sorry. No, this was not the fat. Now this was, I was hard now on the fentanyl. I didn't play games with that one. This was the ketamine. They wanted to give him ketamine to sedate him, to set his leg. They wanted to give him ketamine and fat now. And I said, absolutely no to the fat. Now let's talk about the Academy and I'm going to use my brain. I didn't say that. I wish they would have used their brains though. Um, so ask the doctor. I said, what are the benefits? And he explained to me, and I said, what are the risks seen as up? There's no risk. 

Jaimie Zaki: (09:02)
Um, doc, I appreciate that you do this all the time. And that it's pretty low risk in your opinion. But I do want to know what the risks are. Well, we use it all the time. There's really no rest. Like this is my baby. We're talking about he's two. Um, and this is ketamine. We're talking about what are the risks? Yes. Okay. Well, it could cause this, this, this and this, and this is what we do to prevent that. And this is what we would do. If that happened instantly, I felt more informed. I felt okay, letting my child have this medication, because we knew what risks to look for. And we had a plan for if those risks did happen. 

Jaimie Zaki (09:48)
So then I said, okay, well, I I'm okay with that best benefit, best grit, risk benefit, risk benefit analysis. Um, do we have any alternatives? And then we're kind of like, well, not really, because we'd have to set it without putting him to sleep. Then like, we wouldn't be able to sedate him. This is like, you know, it's like a light sedation. We don't want to over sedate him. Um, and so then our other option would be to set his leg without sedating him. And because he wasn't cooperating at all at that literally was not an option. So I'm like, okay, cool. We'll use this ketamine. Um, I, my intuition in that situation was to ask about it. My intuition was to make sure I had all the information, but that this is what we needed to do. Um, and so I didn't need to get to the now or never part, but it shows you kind of how we need to have these conversations and how sometimes your providers who are really, really used to their job and good at what they do can kind of become complacent sometimes. 

 
So it's really important to remember, to say, Whoa, like, and you don't have to fight. You can just, you know, I'm not really comfortable with the answer of no risk. Cause everything comes with risk. Um, funny thing is, after all of this happened, another doctor came in the one who actually set his leg, not the one who was talking to me about the medications, um, came in and was like, you're a nurse, aren't you? How do you know these? And he was like, well, because you knew better than to give your child satin nail. And you knew how to speak up for yourself with the Academy. And I'm like, okay, all right. So healthcare providers, unfortunately, are kind of going into this with the assumption that you know nothing and you don't know how to advocate for yourself. So they kind of think that they're just gonna be able to tell you whatever you're going to take it for face value and that's going to be what it is. 

 
So if you want to have an experience that is not the norm or what everybody else does or exactly what they do all the time, you know, being pushed through their little factory, then you're going to need to speak up for yourself. And that's going to make them kind of throw those brakes on and be like, Oh, okay. Um, this lady knows what she's talking about. This lady like actually has a brain and we're not going to treat her like, she's an idiot. We're going to start treating her like she is another informed individual. And that's going to be the difference in feeling respected and feeling valued. So really need you guys to, if you take nothing else away from this class, if you don't watch any other class, this is the one I want you to watch. I want you to know how to advocate for yourself. I talk about this more in all of my classes. I talk, I talked about this in every single class. I will say it over and over. I will shout from the rooftops because you need to advocate for yourself. And I am happy to help you practice this. I am happy to help you and your partner practice this. Um, but you need to learn how to use your brain in birth. You can start by practicing 

 
In pregnancy, 

 
And that's how this ties into your birth plan. When you go to your prenatal appointments, we need to stop with this in and out thing. Doctors, once you in and out, you need to come with your list of questions and talk about different parts of your birth plan and talk about different interventions that you have questions about. And this, this is the way you need to style your conversation. Okay. So there's this intervention that I'm wondering about. Do you typically do this intervention? Um, okay. So what are the benefits of that by the way? Okay. I see. Um, what are the risks associated with it? No, you're going to tell me the risks. I need to know what all the risks are. Okay. Thank you. And how do we handle those risks? Great. Um, so if it comes to that, what is an alternative? Is that my only option? 

 
Do we have other options? Okay, well, this is kind of how I feel about it. So we'll readdress it. If it comes up in labor and blah, blah, blah, blah, and then in labor, when it comes up, you can kind of repeat that part of the conversation. And then you can say, so what happens if we do this right now? Like, does this need to be done right now? Or can we wait an hour? Okay. Come back in an hour. Okay. So does it need to be done right now? Like what happens if we never do this? 

 
Is it going to make me 


Unhealthy? And this is where fear tactics might come in. Doctors might use some fear. Um, so you're going to have to be, you know, have your radar on for that. But again, if you're working with a provider, you trust that shouldn't be something you're concerned about. So for your homework tonight, I want you to start looking over your workbook for various intervention options and start researching the benefits, the risks, the alternatives. And I want you to think about what your kind of gut intuition is right now. And when you think that that intuition might change, and then I want you to bring those conversations up, it's your next prenatal appointment. So as we wrap things up today, I want to thank you guys for joining me. I am so glad that you came. I'm so glad you're listening and want you guys to reach out with any questions you have. 
 
I did want to remind you about the brand new, um, uh, bear cave membership enrollment begins this week and it's open through August 20th. So early bird rates are available from this week through August 10th, and then the prices are gonna go back to their normal full price, um, and make sure that you check it out at www.littlebearlactation.com/bear-cave, and feel free to reach out to me with any questions you have regarding the membership. Everybody gets a free half hour call to ask any questions that you have either, you know, kind of about your pregnancy to even see if you like, if this membership is right for you. Um, ask questions about the different levels of membership, anything that you want to ask, um, I'm here for you. So I will talk to you guys soon and thanks for joining me.

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