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theVBACpodcast: How Generational Wisdom impacts how your husband can support your VBAC


Husband and wife bonding with baby bump; how generational wisdom can dramatically influence your vbac experience new episode of the vbac podcast; informing and inspiring women to have a successful vaginal birth after cesarean

Womanly Wisdom Wednesday: How Generational Wisdom can dramatically influence your VBAC experience


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TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE:


Hey mama bear was your last birth a C section and you have been dreaming of a vaginal birth ever since maybe you are newly pregnant and planning a VBAC but struggling to get straight answers and support if you're dreaming of a healing positive and peaceful vaginal birth after cesarean.

You're in the right place.

Welcome to the VBAC podcast.

I'm your host,

Jamie Zaki and I am a licensed practical nurse international Board certified lactation consultant and birth doula.

I'm also a mama to four little bears and a three time VBAC mama.

My mission is to help you cultivate confidence for a positive and peaceful VBAC.

This is a disclaimer that any of the information experiences,

opinions and stories told on this podcast are with the intention of inspiring educating and informing parents.

This information is not intended to treat or diagnose any medical conditions.

If you have questions,

you must consult your provider.

Jamie Zaki does not accept liability for any decisions that you make after listening to this podcast.

Welcome to a womanly wisdom Wednesday mama bear's.

I'm so glad you're back here joining me this week.

I am going to go ahead and apologize ahead of time if I sound like I'm talking silly I bit my tongue so bad sometime this week and it hurts like I have a giant cut on it.

I don't know how I did that but um it's really embarrassing but I did not want it to stop me from coming here but I just wanted to let you know that if I sound like I'm talking with marbles in my mouth or something or like have a lisp,

if I sound funny,

that's why and you today I want to talk to you about womanly wisdom and something I call generational wisdom.

One way we can think of womanly wisdom is generational wisdom because womanly wisdom is obviously the wisdom of our grandmothers passed to our mothers passed through us past to our daughters,

but we don't only have daughters,

we have sons too and we can pass our womanly wisdom to them and that can impact their behavior as fathers and husbands.

So today I wanted to share an example of womanly wisdom with you and I wanted to share with you how I believe this specific example mead,

my husband,

a better supporter of my VBAC,

a better supporter,

a better supporter of breastfeeding and just overall a stronger support person for me on my birth motherhood and feedback journey.

And it's kind of funny,

I did not even like put this together until just a few months ago is when I realized that this generational wisdom is crucial in us reaching our view back goals.

So I think it was actually easter this year we called my husband's grandmother to tell her happy easter and my husband is telling his grandmother about my daughter and how she's three years old and how she would always pretend to nurse her baby doll every time that I was nursing the baby and it just became a thing and his grandmother started laughing and says oh I remember when my daughter did that being my husband's mom,

right?

And so Keep in mind when my husband's grandmother was having her babies.

This was in like the 50s and 60s,

late 50s,

early 60s.

So this is back when birth was still oh gosh,

we talked about institutionalized birth.

Now birth was a nightmare back then.

Birth was definitely like not to be talked about not to be seen,

right?

Um It was completely under the control of providers.

Um You know birth was just it was a scary scene back then and breastfeeding who was breastfeeding their babies,

who was supporting breastfeeding back then,

like it was happening here and there.

But not it was not a big thing,

it was not the norm by any stretch of the imagination.

So she was definitely kind of countercultural by breast feeding her babies back then,

right?

And she remembers her daughter doing the exact same thing that my daughter was doing,

pretending to nurse her baby and she remembers that so fondly and I just I thought that was so beautiful because she went on to nurse her own babies In the 90s and 2000's when it still wasn't super,

popular.

it was becoming more mainstream but the actual support lacking,

but she did it and my husband remembers watching her do it,

he remembers it just being a normal part of life,

that's what moms do,

that's what that's what happens when there's a baby around.

It wasn't a taboo thing.

And I believe that that made him such a stronger supporter of me when I was experiencing breast feeding issues because he was able to see it as not a burden.

He didn't see it as this like countercultural thing that I was trying to do that he didn't understand or agree with.

He didn't view my breasts as something belonging to him which a lot of husbands kind of somehow struggle with.

I still don't understand.

He viewed the whole situation as I need to support my wife and feeding our baby and we went to hell and back with our first breastfeeding journey.

But he did it.

He helped.

And I would have never,

ever ever succeeded without his help.

So I just think that is a perfect example of how womanly wisdom doesn't just affect our daughters,

it affects our sons to and it affects their wives,

it impacts generations now.

What does this have to do with VBAC?

My husband also is his mom's VBAC baby.

A lot of people I know go into their VBAC telling me everybody in my family has had C sections and they think I'm crazy for trying toVBAC or something along those lines.

They tell me that their husbands think that scheduling a repeat C.

Section will just be easier,

more convenient for them.

And there is an epidemic of husbands and extended family members not supporting women during their VBAC.

And I'm actually going to do a whole episode on how husband's can better support their wives during VBAC because I think this is an important topic.

However,

I'm not going to go into that today because I will just go on and on and on and on.

But what I want to talk to you about is how this generational wisdom helped my husband be a stronger supporter for my VBAC.

Now my mother in law,

the one who breast fed all her babies and you know set realistic expectations so that my husband just saw it as a normal thing.

Um it was so supportive.

She actually had a C.

Section with her first baby and then my husband was her second baby and he was her VBAC baby.

So back in 1992 she had a VBAC and then she went on to have two more VBAC.

One of them was induced,

she had gestational diabetes,

she was considered advanced maternal age and she still had a VBAC and it was like no big deal,

you're like yeah I did that.

No big deal wow.

So having that example was crucial knowing somebody who would kind of beat the odds and was like yeah it's totally doable.

I had a great doctor,

she totally supported me.

Like it blew my mind,

it made me realize that it is possible and because my husband was the VBAC baby,

he was just super pumped about VBAC right.

He was like yeah I know you can do it like you can totally do it like just because it didn't work out last time doesn't mean it won't this time and he he just had full faith.

There was never an ounce of doubt or fear because it was literally born into him that this is possible,

there was never a moment of this isn't possible in his mind.

And while there might have been that moment in my mind a few times because look,

that's just how my brain works,

right?

Having him have full faith helped me come back to faith.

If he had been standing there beside me also having those fears and reiterating my fears and echoing them,

it would have been a lot harder for me to find that faith,

right?

Does that make sense?

So I just I just want to like stress to you all that womanly wisdom,

it's not just important for our daughters.

It's not just important for our sisters.

It is important for the men in our lives too.

It is so so important for the men in our lives.

So if our womanly wisdom has not been nurtured and has been starved and our grandmothers and our mothers womanly wisdom was nurtured or was not nurtured and was starved.

The problem is our husbands boyfriends,

significant others like the there wisdom and what their perception of the female body and birth and breastfeeding is ends up being skewed and that is a huge barrier to having the birth that you're dreaming of.

And that is not to say that it makes your VBAC impossible quite the opposite.

If we can identify this problem,

if we realize that this is something impacting us and and we can identify that and acknowledge it,

then we can remedy it,

we can remedy it.

And I think that it's amazing to have that breakthrough,

like when I when I realized this,

when I sat there listening to this conversation and all these pieces were falling into place,

like I just got chills down my spine when I realized that that womanly wisdom that I'm always teaching my mom's about wasn't just impacting women,

it was impacting men too,

and that ends up impacting women even more for so many generations,

men were like shielded from birth and then that ended up with them trying to completely dominate birth,

which you see how that ended up,

you see how that ended up.

So it's like it's almost like it was an overreaction to how much men had been shielded from birth.

But what if they had just been taught about birth and breastfeeding all along and learned how to respect it,

then they would have learned how to support it better and they wouldn't have tried to control it and that's the problem.

We're trying to fight now is that we are up against an industry that is trying to control birth.

That does not respect birth.

And it is up to us and our birth team,

our support system.

To shift that power dynamic.

Having a supportive birth team makes all the difference.

So,

if you feel like you are tapping into your inner womanly wisdom and something still just like in the intuition department or in the emotional department feels like it's not adding up.

I encourage you to look at how womanly wisdom has or has not impacted your partner,

that person who is going to be there with you in labor,

who is there through your pregnancy.

That person who is your rock.

Has their womanly wisdom been nurtured,

whether that's your mother,

your sister,

your husband,

like anybody,

whoever is in that room with you,

have they done the work to make sure that they are connected with their intuition that they are not being controlled by fear.

If not,

then I encourage you to start opening doors for that conversation.

Start diving into their fears and helping them break down fears too.

Because we can't we can't have fear that fear cycle that we have talked about so many times.

It can be influenced by the people around you.

You can only control yourself.

You cannot control the people around you.

But the people around you have huge impact and influence on you.

So if you can have them start doing this work with you.

It is going to be so,

so important and I am going to do another episode on how,

how exactly you can start working your husband through that kind of process and through that mindset and I'm probably going to bring my husband on for that episode if that's okay with everybody,

because I want,

I want to have a man's voice and a man's perspective speaking to the men in your life to help them understand that they don't need to fear birth so that they can understand their role in protecting your birth space so that you can fully connect with your inner wisdom,

your inner intuition,

that inner woman,

that inner femininity and you can completely surrender.

So if they understand womanly wisdom and they can be supportive of that,

you will be able to connect with your inner wise woman so much easier because you're not going to be worried about the people around you and how they're going to negatively influence you because you can trust that they will just be nothing but supportive.

So that will be coming up soon and I'm so excited for it,

but I would love to hear stories of how you might have had your womanly wisdom nurtured recently or in your childhood,

a memory that I told you that like hey maybe birth does work,

even if it didn't like set this strong foundation,

what are the moments that you witnessed other women showing you that like hey we were made to birth,

we were made to breastfeed who has nurtured your womanly wisdom,

I want you to go ahead and I want you to tell me more about this.

You can go on instagram to the VBAC podcast and share your story with me there.

You can send me an email at my website,

you can contact me.

I just,

I want to know your stories and if you want to bring your story on the show,

I would love to feature your story When a womanly wins on a womanly wisdom Wednesday,

I look forward to hearing from you.

I look forward to inspiring you.

And if you did enjoy this episode and you feel inspired anything kind of just clicked with you.

You got that moment of like,

wow that makes sense.

That is a game changer.

I would love it if you just take a moment to leave a rating and review for the podcast to help other moms find the podcast and know that there are resources here to help them and inspire them.

Just like I'm helping you Thank you for joining me on today's episode of the podcast.

I hope you feel seen supported and inspired.

If you haven't already make sure to check out the free I said free combatting fear during feedback class at little bear lactation dot com slash links.

That's little bear lactation dot com slash L I N K S and real quick If you could take a moment to leave a review of the podcast,

I would so appreciate it.

Reviewing the podcast.

Can let more VBAC mamas to be know that I can help them the same way I'm helping.

You.

Can't wait to hang out with you again soon.


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