Safe cosleeping & bedspring with your baby with Taylor McKay, Holistic Sleep Coach
- jaimiezaki
- 7 days ago
- 10 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Wondering what safe cosleeping & bedsharing wiht your baby really looks like? Holistic Sleep Coach, Taylor McKay, joins Jaimie Zaki on Breastfeeding with Confidence to discuss safe infant sleep to help new mothers get more rest.
Cosleeping & Bedsharing Safely
Are you struggling to sleep because your newborn only wants to sleep on your chest? Do you keep finding yourself falling asleep with your baby, feeling guilty and frustrated?
In this episode, we’re breaking the taboo around cosleeping, bed-sharing, and safe infant sleep—without the guilt, shame, or fear that mainstream advice so often stirs up.
Join Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC and mom of five, and her guest Taylor McKay, a holistic sleep coach based in Canada, as they unpack what real-life sleep looks like for new mothers—and how to make it safe, biologically normal, and confidence-building.
You’ll learn how to protect your peace, your milk supply, and your baby’s safety—without resorting to sleep-training or fighting your natural instincts.
In this episode, we cover:
Safe co-sleeping and bed-sharing practices backed by evidence and maternal intuition
How to create a safe sleep space for your newborn—whether you use a crib, bassinet, or share your bed
What to do when exhaustion hits hard postpartum and “just don’t sleep with your baby” stops being realistic
Common myths about cosleeping safety that every mom deserves to hear the truth about
Reducing risk of SIDS and infant suffocation deaths
Practical tips for safely bed-sharing while breastfeeding so everyone actually gets rest
Why listening to your intuition matters more than rigid sleep rules
Balancing family dynamics when your partner or relatives don’t understand co-sleeping
How confident, informed mothers sleep better—and so do their babies
RESOURCES:
PREGNANT MOMS: FREE Breastfeeding Plan Workshop (Click here to access)
Confident Mama Breastfeeding Academy (Use code PODCAST50)
Get 1:1 Breastfeeding Support (Click Here)
Need sleep support? Visit Taylor McKay on Instagram @Cozylittlesleepers
Episode timestamps:
00:00 — Welcome to Breastfeeding with Confidence
00:43 — Meet Taylor + why “safe cosleeping” matters
01:46 — The reality of postpartum sleep and survival
05:12 — What safe bed-sharing actually looks like
08:12 — Debunking myths and navigating fear-based advice
13:52 — Real-life mom experiences and intuition-led sleep
34:10 — Final thoughts + your next step toward peaceful rest
Confident Mama Breastfeeding Academy
Prevent & Overcome Breastfeeding Challenges so you can enjoy bonding with your baby without unnecessary tears, frustration, & overwhelm.
Baby already here & need breastfeeding help? CLICK HERE to get 1:1 Breastfeeding Support
Transcript:
We have these new moms who are absolutely exhausted in those first couple of weeks — those first two fresh weeks of having that newborn — and you're healing and recovering from birth.
They're trying so hard to follow all the rules, and they cannot get themselves 30 minutes with that baby in the bassinet beside their bed.
I’m Jaimie Zaki, IBCLC and mama of five, and this is the Breastfeeding with Confidence Podcast, where pregnant and new mothers learn how to prepare for and overcome breastfeeding challenges without being controlled by stress, fear, or anxiety.
Each week, we'll answer your questions, share breastfeeding success stories, and inspire you to shut out the toxic whispers of the world and embrace your God-given intuition to make confident breastfeeding decisions.
Let’s dive in.
We've got Taylor back with us today! We’ve talked about sleep here before, and today we’re going deep into safe co-sleeping. Taylor, I’m so glad you’re back with us.
I know as a new mom, I was 100% against co-sleeping — because I was a nurse, and I was told how dangerous that was. “Back to sleep, baby alone… you might as well be killing your baby if you co-sleep.”
And about a week in, I realized my baby would not sleep if we weren’t touching. I felt so stuck. Once I started thinking, okay, I’m just going to have to sleep with him because we keep falling asleep together anyway, I felt like I was doing something bad — something wrong. I felt so guilty.
I know so many moms are going through that, so I’m so glad you’re here to talk about it. Can you talk to us a little bit about co-sleeping — what it is, what it isn’t, and how to do it safely?
Taylor: Yeah, thank you so much for having me back. I think this is a topic that doesn’t have enough education around how to do it safely and why it works.
The reason this topic needs to be spoken about is exactly what you said: we have new moms who are absolutely exhausted in those first couple of weeks — they’re healing, recovering from birth — and they’re trying so hard to follow all the rules, but they cannot get 30 minutes with that baby in that bassinet beside their bed.
So, oftentimes, we end up resorting to bringing the baby into bed because the second you have your baby on your chest or next to you, they fall asleep — and parents finally get two or three-hour stretches. They think, there’s no way I’m doing that in the bassinet.
But what’s happening is they’re not taught how to do this correctly — or that it can be done safely. Pediatricians and everyone else say, “Put them in the bassinet, put them by themselves.”
Sometimes parents are so afraid of having that baby close in bed that they end up falling asleep on the couch, in a recliner, or in the nursery chair — which are actually the dangerous places to fall asleep with your baby, not the bed.
We can do it super safely when they’re next to you.
There are even statistics showing that many parents tell their providers their baby sleeps in the bassinet or crib, when that’s actually not true — because babies are biologically made to want and need to be close to you.
They’ve been with you for nine months, and then suddenly they’re put on a firm surface in a big, empty room by themselves. That’s alarming to them. It makes total sense why babies sleep better when they’re close to us.
I get messages from moms two or three weeks postpartum saying, “I can’t even get an hour with her in the bassinet, but the second she’s on my chest she sleeps — but the doctor says not to do that.” You can hear the panic in their voices.
Once I walk them through how to do it properly and safely, things shift. They finally get sleep.
Jaimie: I remember with my fifth baby — at that point, co-sleeping was just our norm. We weren’t even making a nursery! People would ask, “Oh my gosh, how are you sleeping?” and I’d say, “Fantastic. She sleeps in bed with us. She’s not the problem — the toddler is.”
I remember doing a home visit once — we always end up talking about safe sleep — and this mom was sleeping in a recliner because she was afraid her toddler would climb on the baby if they shared a bed.
We came up with a system: baby on one side, toddler on the other. Suddenly, everyone got sleep.
When I checked in, they said, “We slept! We finally slept because we changed things.”
Those recliners can become unsafe so quickly — and moms feel like that’s their only option.
Can you run through the top three things parents need to know to co-sleep safely?
Taylor: For sure. The main things to look for are:
Both parents on the same page. Everyone needs to be committed to keeping the baby safe and making sure the sleep area is safe.
A clean, firm surface. The bed shouldn’t be super squishy or soft. Some parents even replace their mattress or remove memory foam toppers to make it firmer.
Light bedding. No heavy duvets. Use breathable sheets. Dress both you and baby appropriately — no fleece pajamas and extra sleep sacks. Overheating is a bigger risk than being too cold.
Also — no stuffed animals, no pillows near the baby. The safest setup is mom lying on her side, cradling baby, with her pillow pulled back from the baby’s head.
And the most important part: everyone co-sleeping with the baby must be a non-smoker, not under the influence of alcohol, drugs, or sleep medication.
If there’s any impairment, co-sleeping isn’t safe.
Jaimie: That’s such an important point — even painkillers after a C-section. Yes, you can take them and breastfeed safely, but not safely bedshare.
Taylor: Exactly. Anything that impacts alertness changes the safety equation.
Dr. James McKenna — a leading co-sleeping expert — wrote Safe Infant Sleep. He found that in 13% of bed-sharing deaths, 99% had at least one modifiable risk factor like smoking or impairment.
So, when pediatricians throw scary stats at parents, they’re not showing that most of those cases involved preventable risk factors.
When those are removed, bed-sharing can be extremely safe.
Our instincts — when we’re sober and unimpaired — are powerful. Studies show how quickly mothers wake up when their babies move, especially breastfeeding moms.
Dr. McKenna even coined the term “breastsleeping,” describing how breastfeeding dyads naturally sync their sleep and wake cycles.
Jaimie: I love that! And something people don’t realize — co-sleeping while breastfeeding reduces SIDS even more than pacifier use.
Pacifiers were first used to reduce “cot death” among formula-fed babies sleeping apart from their parents. When babies sleep at the breast, they’re safer — and mom barely wakes up to feed.
The truth is, most so-called “SIDS” deaths during co-sleeping aren’t SIDS — they’re suffocation, often from impairment or unsafe setups.
We need to stop blaming moms for being close to their babies. The real danger is separation.
Taylor: Exactly. Bedsharing isn’t the danger — unsafe environments are.
Parents also need to check for entrapment hazards — like gaps between the bed and wall. The safest setup is the mattress on the floor, in the center of the room.
You may have to let go of the “perfect bedroom aesthetic” — but peace of mind is worth it.
Jaimie: And you can still bedshare safely without taking your bed apart. Everything’s a risk assessment. I’ve never taken my bed apart, but I did once have a scary moment where my baby slipped through a small gap — and that taught me to fix the setup.
It doesn’t have to be extreme, but it does have to be safe.
Taylor: Yes. And if you or your partner fall under any risk category — medication, deep sleeper, etc. — the next best option is co-sleeping in close proximity, like a sidecar crib.
That’s a great middle ground. The baby’s right next to you but has their own surface.
Jaimie: I love that. Because the obsession with separation has gone too far — biologically, babies are meant to sleep close to their mothers. That’s not the problem; it’s the design.
And honestly, I can’t help but wonder — what are the long-term mental health risks of all this early separation?
Taylor: Exactly. Those first few months, babies are figuring out where they are and how to adjust outside the womb. Expecting them to sleep alone in a dark room makes no sense.
Jaimie: Right. So what about formula-fed babies? How can parents make bedsharing safe if they’re not breastfeeding?
Taylor: Great question. I really like the sidecar setup for formula-fed infants. The baby’s still within arm’s reach but not directly in bed.
Also — always trust your intuition. If bedsharing makes you anxious, don’t do it. Have the bassinet close instead. Tune into that inner voice.
If it doesn’t feel right, figure out whether that’s intuition, fear, or lack of education — but listen to it.
Jaimie: Yes! I always say — I don’t practice “evidence-based,” I practice “evidence-informed.” Because evidence can be manipulated. We have to weigh it alongside intuition and context.
There’s no perfect setup — just the safest one for your family.
Even putting your baby in a crib has risks. Everything we do carries some risk.
Taylor: Exactly. And that’s why we need to bring back personal responsibility. Make informed decisions, understand the risks, and own them.
Jaimie: Yes. My husband and I had that conversation before our first home birth: If something goes wrong, are we going to blame each other, or accept that risk exists everywhere?
It’s the same with bedsharing — know the risks, mitigate what you can, and take ownership of your choice.
Taylor: When parents do that — when they confidently own their decisions — they find freedom and empowerment.
I’ve seen so many families say, “Yes, we bedshare, and it’s wonderful.” They sleep better, baby wakes safely, and everyone’s thriving.
There’s so much empowerment on the other side of these hard conversations.
Jaimie: I completely agree. It’s not about forcing babies to sleep longer — it’s about helping families feel confident and rested.
Taylor: Exactly. My goal isn’t to get babies to sleep 12 hours. It’s to help parents make informed, confident decisions that work for their family.
Jaimie: And that’s why your work matters. Because moms need that sounding board — someone to help them problem-solve safely.
If someone wants to learn more about safe co-sleeping or needs sleep support, where can they find you?
Taylor: You can find me on Instagram at @cozylittlesleepers. My DMs are always open. I offer different options and price points for sleep consulting and support.
I do this because I was that mom — exhausted, thinking “cry it out” was the only option. I wish someone had told me there was another way.
So, if you’re in that place — stuck, overwhelmed, unsure what’s safe — reach out.
Jaimie: I love that. Thank you so much for coming on today! I hope every mama listening — whether pregnant or postpartum — feels more confident about listening to her baby, trusting her instincts, and staying flexible about sleep in that first year.
Taylor: Me too. Thank you so much for having me!
Jaimie: Alright, Mama Bear, that’s a wrap for today!
If this episode helped you feel a little more confident or prepared for breastfeeding, can I ask a quick favor? Leave a review — it helps other moms find this podcast and join our community of fierce, confident Mama Bears.
And if you know a friend who needs encouragement or some real talk about pregnancy, breastfeeding, and motherhood — share this episode with her.
You’ve got this, Mama Bear.Trust your instincts. Stay fierce.I’ll catch you in the next episode.
Jaimie Zaki is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and mom of 5! Jaimie has volunteered as a La Leche League Leader, worked as a nurse, doula, and birth photographer, and is the host of the Breastfeeding With Confidence Podcast and founder of the Confident MamaBear Society. Jaimie provides holistic breastfeeding advice for pregnant & new moms, helping them overcome unexpected latching trouble and milk supply issues. She empowers mothers to make informed decisions from a place of confidence and intuition.
Breastfeeding Resources Available:
